i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Someone signed my nipple.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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