Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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