the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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