I want to have your abortion
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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