I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
