using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
