My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
