She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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