I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
