So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
