I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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