This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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