I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
