Can i not drive my cunt home
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
