I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
