Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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