I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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