i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
