We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
