Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
