Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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