If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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