so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
