Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
