Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
