I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
