i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
