I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
