and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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