please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
