just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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