eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
