I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
