you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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