every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
worst night to have a conscience
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
