So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
