you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
