Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
