I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
