Your face is a jimmy john
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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