i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
