i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
