ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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