the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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