Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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