i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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