You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How does it feel to date your dad?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
