I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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