Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
