i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
