the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
