I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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